Family Fave - Heather Selu

Who do you support here at NCF – can you tell us about their condition?
I support my husband Jo, who became paralysed over two years ago, after a spinal cord injury which left him as a paraplegic. One year prior, he’d also developed decompression of the lumbar spine, causing his legs to go numb.

How long have you been at NCF for now and how do you find the programme?
I have been bringing Jo to Neuro Connection for about six months now and I think the programme has been fabulous for him. He has progressed so much – physically and mentally. He’s now able to walk with his gutter frame, does exercises at home and at Carnarvon Hospital. The strength he has gained in his upper body also, has given him the ability to feed himself again. And as he loves to read the paper every morning, he can turn the pages on his own and holds his own cup of coffee too.

Talk us through a usual day for you and Jo…
Jo is currently based out of Carnarvon Hospital and while I’m still at home, I see him from about breakfast onwards each day. We chat about our family and catch up with what all the grandchildren are doing. If on a Tuesday, we head to Jo’s Neuro Connection class around 9am, before morning tea. After his class, he is usually quite tired and takes about a three-hour rest following his class and lunch. I share a lot of time with him at Carnarvon Hospital and often will bring in a home cooked meal for us to share together. I also take care of his catheter whenever I’m with him and often will get outside for a walk together in the open air too.

Please give us some insight into the things you have learnt during this challenging time
In the very beginning with Jo’s injury, things were very difficult. Jo was fully dependent and had to be hoisted out of bed. He had to be bed bathed for seven and a half months with the help of two carers, which wasn’t ideal. I was only getting about two hours sleep each night at the time and this took its toll on me. “I felt I had to do everything - I became clingy and found it hard to let others help. I constantly worried about him, it was a very difficult time.” [Heather has been a bit of a silver lining for Jo however. She was a residential carer for seven and a half years working with people with traumatic brain injuries. Prior to that, she had also worked with people with disabilities for 15 years – so if anyone was ready for this role, it was Heather!]

Working in those health care industries, gave me the necessary skills to care for my husband. I had also had medication training; however, it’s one thing to administer it to a patient you don’t know, as opposed to someone who is family. Giving medication to Jo, was still very daunting for me and I really had to sit down and make sure I got it right each time. [After Jo’s injury, Heather also had to give up work, help him with his catheter, his medication, as well as his meals with all the changes that followed with his food preferences – something you don’t always consider will happen].

What advice can you share with other family members experiencing the same challenges as you?
What I’ve learnt is that “you really need to take time for yourself and allow others to help too.” And although its been a hard road in accepting, “It’s not a guilt thing – it’s not anyone’s fault, life just happens.” [For Heather, seeing Jo improve since coming to the foundation has made life better and happier for them both. Initially, Jo didn’t talk or engage much with others as he once did before his injury. However, Heather states she’s recently started to see his personality coming back. He get’s along well with NCF staff and has built the kind of relationship, where he’s now joking around. Seeing Jo “get back to his old self” like this, has made her feel a lot more happier and content. So, the message here for others, is that life can get better – not in every case of course – but where there’s the ability and will, there’s a way!]

Finally, what it is your outlet, or when do you find a bit of free time for yourself?
I often enjoy first thing in the morning. I love to sit and read and love time spent in my garden, which my children have recently made maintenance free for me! Recently, I had my first day where I felt okay to be away from Jo. I was able to fully recharge and relax, knowing and trusting that he was in good hands – which he was this day spending time with his grandson. Heather says, “things are feeling normal again,” [and for herself and Jo, we think that’s been the best medicine all round]!